Challenging your Mind & inner critic

The brain is so powerful.

Although it has many purposes, one of its main functions is to alert you of potential danger and protect you from harm. It does this through the “fight-or-flight” response, which many of you have probably learned at some point in time. This is the body’s survival alarm system.

Our brains are naturally designed to scan for threats as a way to protect us and help us navigate our environment. When our bodies identify a threat, we release all kinds of chemicals that activate this alarm system. We go into over-drive, our heart rate increases, cortisol is released, and this is the point where we become stressed out.

This was designed to be useful and to prepare us for the worst. However, our brains cannot always differentiate threats. Our body responds the same way if we were put in front of a physical threat, as if we were dealing with an emotional trigger. This is beneficial in short spurts when needed, but can create physical and emotional strain on our bodies when we’re constantly stuck in a fight-or-flight state.

Our minds and bodies are so powerful that even a pattern of negative self-talk can put us in this constant state of stress, even subconsciously.

For example:

You make a mistake at work because you’re human. You start to tear yourself apart in your head.

Why did I do that? I should have known better… I should just quit my job because clearly I can’t do anything right.

You start to blame yourself. You start to have anxiety about this mistake because now you are convinced everyone around you thinks you’re incompetent. Next, you’re panicking because you feel you can’t do anything right. Consequently, every time you make a mistake at work, you’re spiraling and reinforcing the thought you aren’t good at anything.

We may start to internalize these thoughts. Instead of just accepting the fact you made a mistake and moving on (which we are allowed to do), it can start to integrate into our core. We may start to identify ourselves as that thought and continue going down a rabbit hole of not feeling good enough. 

This may sound a bit harsh, but the reality is people are not thinking about you as much as you imagine. Everyone is too caught up in their own lives and own mistakes to dwell on yours.

Our thoughts are capable of being sneaky and deceptive.

They can easily persuade you. They can convince you that you’re not worthy or deserving of good things. They can put your needs in the backseat to everyone else’s. They can make you feel so alone, even if you have a whole community of support behind you.

Your mind can be brutal.

Personally, when I would experience these thoughts about myself, I’d automatically agree with them. If I made a mistake at work or said something in a conversation I regretted, my inner thoughts quickly beat me up about it.

For a long time, I treated my thoughts as if they were concrete, backed-up facts. I just learned to accept the thoughts that came into my mind. For me personally, a lot of these were negative. A majority of these thoughts would involve feeling incompetent or focused on my appearance. I was in a constant state of anxiety and felt like I was running in overdrive.

My negative thoughts would manifest themselves as I looked at myself in the mirror and criticized myself for simply existing, or would create a spiral in my mind after being critiqued. I would continue making excuses in my head why I shouldn’t feel the way I did. I was so mentally exhausted and drained. I know I’m speaking like this is past tense, but this is something I still struggle with constantly and I am still working on. 

It is so easy to get caught up in your head and in your thoughts. Notice how we can be given hundreds of compliments, but the one critique we get is what tends to stick with us.

You are not your thoughts. You are just the person creating them (sometimes mindlessly) and then becoming aware of them. 

The good news is you’re actually allowed to challenge these thoughts. The brain is so easily adaptable. ☺︎

★  Identify the moment your thoughts become negative. 

You cannot transform your negative inner dialogue unless you first realize you are doing it.

Start to be more aware of how you react to a mistake. What are you telling yourself?

★ Ask yourself if there is anything about this thought that makes it a solid fact.

Some people tend to think in an all-or-nothing mindset.

Example #1: I made a mistake, so I am a total failure.

Example #2: I raised my voice at my kid today, so I must be a terrible parent.

Example #3: If I go get ice cream, then my whole workout is pointless.

Is there actually any evidence to back this up? Or are these thoughts based on distorted facts?

★ Challenge the thought.

Truth #1: I made a mistake because I am a human.

Truth #2: I had an outburst because I was frustrated in the moment. This does not equate to being a bad parent.

Truth #3: I am allowed to have desserts and still feel good about myself. A dessert will not ruin my progress.

★ If I had a friend come to me and say all these things about himself/herself, would I agree?

Probably not - treat yourself like a friend. It isn’t stuck up to be nice to yourself.

When I first started going to therapy, there would be times I would be explaining how I felt and without even a thought, would make small comments putting myself down. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it at the time - these remarks flowed so easily. However, my therapist would always catch and question them.

She would encourage me to challenge my mind and to identify the root cause of my subconscious thoughts. This way, we can flip the script and actually dive in to why we’re saying the things we are. A majority of the time, we do so subconsciously that we don’t even realize we are doing it. Your inner thoughts and dialogue are so important to your mental health, even if you think they aren’t.

Your brain is constantly producing random thoughts. There are many factors that can go into the make-up of our thoughts. This may be a combination of all kinds of factors, including: processing past experiences, memories, social interactions, emotions, childhood, immediate surroundings, different types of trauma, etc. This obviously differs from person-to-person.

It is okay to identify these thoughts, but you do not have to ruminate on them. They are fleeting and just because you have them, does not mean they are solid facts and truthful. The goal is not to get rid of the negative thoughts completely. This is not realistic. The goal is to identify and challenge them.

It doesn’t mean you have to be overly positive - it can simply be to transform your thoughts from negative to neutral. It is also to understand that they are fleeting, and they do not define who you are as a person.

Being a human is such a complicated phenomenon and life is a challenge, every single day. Our mind is powerful and is capable of so many wonderful things. Start being more kind to yourself and challenge your negative thoughts. 

Although I hope many of you cannot relate to this, please know that you are not alone if you do. We all have our struggles. Being vulnerable and opening up to others has personally helped me become more aware of this.

Human connection is ‪‪so important. ❤︎‬

I appreciate you!

Caroline Grace

xx